Last year, around the time of Halloween, Silent Hill: Revelation 3D released after a surprising original release in 2006. I say surprising, because game movies often aren’t that stellar, yet somehow the first Silent Hill maintains a suspenseful plot and some stunning action moments, involving some of the game’s iconic characters. Despite the “Revelation” tag, the sequel is not nearly as gripping or revealing for that matter, instead relying on cheap tactics.
You know you’re in for a good time when the movie starts with a dream within a dream sequence. Regardless, slowly and fuzzily, the story tries to connect to the characters of past, though in a more pop culture friendly manner. This flick will focus on Sharon and her troubled teenage life, wrestling with dark visions. She’s quickly accompanied or rather stalked by a high school kid called Vincent that looks like he should graduate college anytime soon. Fighting logic beyond that point will be fruitless, as this duo devolves into a cheesy romantic drama faster than its illogical plot drives the two towards the cursed town of Silent Hill, despite no one wanting to go to Silent Hill in the first place. Amazingly, Vincent is also seen in the TV series Game of Thrones, but his acting skills in this ham-fisted scenario nowhere near that of the more complex George Martin adaptation. Here, he’s more of a caricature of Heath Ledger in Ten Things I Hate About You, though even that is an insult to the late Ledger.
This shot doesn’t make it seem so, but this is her kidnapper, who brought her to hell.
The town of Silent Hill won’t bring solace to this pitiful swamp of a plot. Cheap special effects aside, it’s the total lack of tension that drives this movie into the ground. Sharon lacks any appeal to truly feel like she’s captured by the town’s horror, instead merely running along in its world. She magically goes with any story moments after it’s conveyed without any need for character growth. It is said and therefore it is done. Monsters and other atrocities further destroy the suspense, as most are mindless, one-dimensional characters that can be seen coming a mile away and are dispatched with no great feat required. If these are the toughest abominations thinkable, they certainly don’t require a lot of cunning to defeat. Pointing out their one weakness is enough to immediately surpass foes; it’s amazing people were frightened of them all along. Though, when even Silent Hill residents for no apparent reason choose to head straight into a massacre zone, where they shouldn’t, it’s easy to see why they’d think that. Silent Hill people are not smart people.
While there is little that could save this begrudged love story from then on, the worst is yet to come in the ending sequences. Spoiler haters be warned, because this will explain exactly why Silent Hill: Revelation 3D is a thing that should not be. Explanation starts after the break.
Don’t worry, this scene won’t be suspenseful or even logical in any sense.
With little effort and despite foreseeing her death in the earlier dream sequence, Sharon manages to reach the inner, most dangerous part of the town, where the story’s main demon resides. What follows is too cynical for words to do it justice. The murderous Pyramid Head, earlier seen chopping off limbs because he’s Pyramid Head, is now a mere lackey, operating a merry-go-round like a common carney. While it’s arguable that some carnies are scary, it isn’t exactly unstoppable demon force level scary to be a mere technician on an attraction. Above stands the demon Alessa, where a dialog so clichéd follows, literally anyone could’ve written it. It goes as far as Sharon telling her to go to hell and Alessa replying: “We’re already there.” Yes, that scene has fire, for those that would not find that obvious enough. How could this pyrokinetic, all-powerful demon be stopped? Sharon hugs her to death. No, this is not a joke. She hugs the demon and sucks her up, though there is no mention of the demon from then on. In a concluding fight with some unknown abomination, Pyramid Head appears to protect Sharon and everyone else in that same room, though having no more reason to and completely detaching from its former executioner state. It doesn’t even resort to more killings afterwards; instead, it just trails off and Sharon heads back into the world, demon inside her, with no one thinking this is a tremendously horrid idea.
Look, it’s obvious that there was a lack of budget to make this Silent Hill into a decent movie, but not because of the cheap effects. Effects are fine, as long as there’s an element that goes along to justify their use. Instead, the director was more concerned with creating, admittedly, well-shot scenes with precise camera angles. However, this comes at the cost of a completely unwatchable story, which received none of the attention and is almost laughably bad to the point it could be shot on the fly, as they thought about it. Without a reason to watch dull, straightforward action, there’s no reason to watch a film of this genre at all. Random Youtube clips about car crashes and people falling off roofs can satisfy the need for carnage, for the sake of it.
It looks ominous, but this is not a shot of Pyramid Head attacking. It’s retreating, just because.
Silent Revelation 3D Hill is an abomination, far worse than its creatures. It’s a masturbatory piece, shot for someone’s artsy flair for angles more than anything else that is added as filler to justify a movie. There is no suspense, as a survival horror would have; action is derived from any linear plot, characters are cardboard representations of some potboiler and its conclusion is insulting to fans and casual onlookers alike. This is a movie that has Boromir of the Lord of the Rings series in it and yet is tougher to swallow than the thorny crown of Jesus. I wonder if these talented actors would boast about their appearance in this movie. More likely, they’ll pretend it never happened. I think that’s a plan we should all follow.